I’ve come to the conclusion that my brain and my body are at war. My body wants to be healthy, my brain wants to eat crap. Brain is the one who wants to comfort eat when I’m in pain. So when Body is all like, “give me a salad!”, Brain simply laughs and says, “I don’t think so! This girl is in pain, so all I’m going to let her think about is how much she likes chocolate” and BAM, Brain wins, Thaila eats chocolate.
Repeat for crisps.
Repeat for Trebor Extra Strong Mints.
Repeat for fries.
Repeat for chicken wings.
All I hear these days from my friends is, “everything in moderation” and “oh go on, one little bit won’t hurt, because all your other meals are good!” Are they right? Does it have to be all or nothing? Or can a healthy balance be achieved? Although, an “Eat Clean” view on life really is an all or nothing situation. I mean, you either eat clean or you don’t. And, for the most part, I don’t. I eat a lot of processed food, and it’s like I just can’t seem to let it go.
What if this “Eat Clean” thing isn’t for me? I mean, I haven’t been able to go even ONE WEEK so far this year where every meal has been clean. What if I just don’t care? And I don’t mean that I’m going to head out right now and eat twenty burgers and an entire pick ‘n’ mix. What I mean is this; maybe it’s not something I’m passionate about. Take vegetarianism for example. Vegetarians & vegans are passionate about not eating animal products, because it’s somthing they believe strongly about. If I had a strong passion about eating clean, it’d be easy. Sure, I feel guilty when I’ve eaten a load of junk, but it’s not enough to never ever do it again. It’s a guilt about a number of calories or the grams of fat or sugar. It’s never guilt about how many preservatives are in something, or how many chemicals have been added. I just don’t care. I wish I did, but I don’t.
Perhaps I’m just getting disheartened because I’m having a bad week. I think one of the things that makes it difficult is my inability to digest a lot of healthy foods. I’d love to be able to eat a mountain of fruit and vegetables, nuts & seeds, but my new-and-improved intestinal layout has changed all that. Gone are the days where I can snack on a whole box of cherry tomatoes, or mushrooms, or dried fruit. And yes, I could over-cook vegetables until they’re all soft in order to make them easier to digest, but most of the nutrients have gone by that point anyway. And I don’t even like soup that much.
And so, it seems, that I’ve come to the decision to lay the #ECTM13 hashtag to rest. My aspiration of “Eat Clean & Train Mean in 2013” was an overstretch right from the beginning, because I didn’t start it with the right frame of mind. The “Train Mean” bit went well for a while, but even that fizzled out a bit during the first quarter of the year.
But fear not, fitfam, for this is not the end! It’s just an adjustment. I will still continue weekly vlogs, but this time it
will have a focus on the fitness side of it. Of course, I’ll still aim to eat more fruit & vegetables and fuel my body with the right things for my workouts, but this will allow me to have a balance without feeling guilty if I do eat fries or have pizza or someone bakes a cake. Life is too short to feel guilty and, while I want to live as long as possible, I also want to live as happy as possible, and recently I’ve just been feeling defeated.